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So Irwin said, "Brian, you've gotta' turn up the heater'
And you gotta stop drivin' that dirtbag beater"

Have you heard this story 'bout Brian Lamb's car
How it broke down ouside a Kamloops bar
I'm here to say, that story is true
It was just down the road from T R U.

It had a noisy old motor and it really looked trashed
With filler on the wings and the bonnet all bashed
It had four cylinders; but it only used three.
He paid too much and he got it for free.

With a oil leak and a rattly exhaust,
If you ground those gears you could really get lost.
The wiper weren't great, but I ain't scared.
The brakes were good, tires fair.

In the Fox'n Hounds it was late one morning
With the ice on the ground snowflakes falling
He was trying to head up on Hillside Drive
But the car didn't want to come alive.

All of a sudden in a wink of an eye
A big tow truck came passing by.
Brian said, "Irwin, that's the thing for me!"
By then the taillight was all you could see.

Now Irwin was ribbed Brian for bein' behind,
As his car wouldn't start it was pretty unkind
Took his foot off the gas and walked away
And ordered himself up an IPA.

From a booth in the bar in Sahali mall
He took out his phone and made a call.
The mechanic said he could come straight there
So he ordered some wings and he stayed in his chair

Now Irwin though Brian had lost his sense
There was a meeting in an hour he was getting quite tense.
But he had another pint and a bowl of yam fries.
And Forgot all about them KPIs.

So they looked out the window and they spotted the truck,
Had a couple of tequilas just for luck.
The winch was clicking when the car hooked on
Left the barmaid a tip and they were gone.

Sparks lit up where the road hit the back
When the truck revved up and took up the slack
The trunk sprung open and the lights turned on
And then Brian's car was as good as gone.

It had flames comin' from out of the side.
As we dragged down the road -wow! What a ride!
Brian said, "Look out, boys, I've got a license to blog!"
Headed to the Noble Pig to get high on the hog .

Now all of a sudden I heard this to knockin',
There's a four piece band that started to rockin'.
The drums got loud when the band got rollin'
And Brian and Irwin sang "Take the Skinheads Bowling"!

They got to their meeting and they got through their agenda.
Then hit the Red Collar for a 6 hour bender.
So Irwin said, "Brian, you've gotta' turn up the heater'
And you gotta stop drivin' that dirtbag beater"

dkernohan, Jan 26 2016 on